All the Timelines

As pointed out by a commenter on my previous post, there is yet another false prophet taking advantage of the happenstance of 1335 days between today, the Feast of Trumpets, and Pentecost of 2012. A breakaway splinter from Six-Pack Flurry's Philadelphia COG, Church of God's Faithful is headed by Robert Ardis who considers Flurry to be Laodicean. Ardis is also prophesying the return of Christ based on this 1335-day framework but with variations.



Clicking on the graphic above of Ardis' timeline will expand it to be readable. Ardis' timeline has the two witnesses beginning their 1260 days of prophesying on December 10 instead of Weinland's December 14. Apparently (unlike Weinland) Ardis doesn't consider lying dead in the streets of Jerusalem for 3 1/2 days as actual testimony. Ardis's Great Tribulation doesn't begin until April 4 of next year. On Pentecost of 2012, there's a first resurrection and Christ doesn't return with the 144,000 until Trumpets of 2012.

So with Ardis' prophesy, it appears we have some time to be clear that he's a false prophet. On the other hand, James Malm has prophesied that the man of sin will be revealed today. I just wonder how widely this man will be revealed -- will he be revealed to everyone or just James?

But perhaps Ardis was the first to develop a timeline around the 1335-day interval between Trumpets 2008 and Pentecost 2012, as his book "Whoso Reads Let Him Understand" was published in 2003.

With Malm's Witnesses beginning their jobs around October 26, Ardis's on December 10, and Ron and Laura on December 14, that could be interesting. Perhaps we could arrange for all three pairs of witnesses meet after Dec. 14. They could have contests of plague-bringing-down and turning water into blood. And maybe for a finale they could all breath fire on each other.

No Big Surprises Yet

False Prophet Ronald Weinland's big sealing sermon for the Feast of Trumpets has been posted on the COG-PKG website for the benefit of those in earlier timezones and also for the convenience of Webmaster Jeremy who is moving this weekend to new digs in Germany, perhaps a place out in the sticks with an extra bedroom for the Two Witlesses.

To the COG-PKG members assembling to listen, it's not that big of a deal. The total file is one hour and thirty-four minutes (1:34) in length and is comprised of:
0:00 Music is played for those tuning in.
0:03 Opening Prayer.
0:04 Spends several minutes explaining that a collection is taken.
0:08 Discusses why the sermon is prerecorded.
0:09 Begins sermon, reviewing the failed timeline and associated efforts.
0:10 Mentions new order of books, pushing total copies over 1/2 million.
0:14 Announces sermon title, starts reading book of Revelation
1:07 Weinland reads the 50th truth posting from the COG-PKG website, which takes the remainder of the sermon. Delivers special emphasis to the parts responding to his critics and mockers.
1:32 Closing prayer.

Tuesday (tomorrow for most of us) is also a big day for another false prophet. James Malm has his own timeline which begins and ends with the same dates as Weinland's, but differs in the details. According to Malm, it starts with the "man of sin" to be revealed on September 30. This is to be followed by the Two Witnesses (not Ron and Laura) beginning their job around October 26. We'll wait with baited breath to see if his prophesying skills are better than Ron's.

Frequent Flier Ronald Weinland

Yesterday, False Prophet Ronald Weinland was in Cincinnati for the second week in a row, which has been rare for him lately as he has been traveling heavily. Today Laura and Ron resume building up their frequent flier miles as they leave for Hawaii, after which they go to Melbourne, Australia for the fast, then to New Zealand for the first part of the Feast of Tabernacles, and returning to Australia for the final part of the FoT. He didn't mention his post-feast vacation, but announced a trip to Europe in late November and early December. That would be his third European trip this year. I wonder what the deficit is between the Witlesses travel costs to Europe and the tithes he gathers from there.

Weinland explained that while in Europe he would be making preparations for what is coming up. Perhaps he will look for a place to stay when he flees being arrested by the IRS Criminal Investigation Division.

Ron mentioned the mysterious event that was announced after services the prior weekend. The Insane Liar claimed that there were some who were lying and claiming that it was some kind of meeting. I'm puzzled as to who it was that said that. The social event was a wedding reception for his daughter Audra and her groom Chris Little. Congratulations to Chris and Audra. I think. Ron, what's the big deal? Why all the secrecy?

As expected, Weinland hammered on the latest thunder, which is the crisis going on in the finance markets right now. He's still on his spiel that the dollar will soon be worthless, but then that was supposed to have happened "a little after April". It's well past "a little after April". No mention of the other silent thunders.

Then he continued on from last week talking about how to deal with new members. And discussed how to deal with unconverted mates. They are allowed to attend as long as they're not hostile. Unconverted mates seem to the the remaining demographic for the Insane Liar to tap.

To any PKG members reading this: So on Tuesday you're going to be sealed as part of the 144,000. Do you think it will be for real this time, and not the false alarm of February 2? Do you really think that you're fully trained to be a prince in the kingdom of God? Or perhaps all you're qualified to be is a dogcatcher. That would be OK, there could be a need, and with 144,000 there should be room for a few of those.

For another point of view on this sermon, see what Jack said about it.

From Where Will Weinland's New Sheeple Come?

False Prophet Ronald Weinland was back in Cincinnati yesterday. A number of people from outside the area traveled there. Perhaps it was to hear the announcements that Weinland held back until after the streaming audio feed was shut down after the closing prayer.

According to a comment left on my previous post, the recording of the sermon has not been posted on the COG-PKG website. The secretive announcements or the lack of the sermon recording may lead some to speculate that Ron has fled or is about to flee the IRS, but personally I doubt that he will flee this year. The lack of a recording on the website is probably due to his technical incompetence, and he is probably waiting to have a portion of the sermon edited out. It seems one of the remote sites lost the web feed in the middle. Weinland probably knows how to edit out the opening and closing prayers but edits in the middle could be beyond him.

A good part of the sermon was spent in discussing how to treat new people, such as not overwhelming them with all the rules that Weinland imposes such as clean and unclean meats and second tithing. I'm wondering how he thinks he's going to get them. According to Quantcast, the traffic to his the-end website has fallen further.
The traffic volume is about where it was a year ago, coincident with the absence of paid ads for Google search results. He did announce a French translation of his book, so maybe he'll have an ad campaign in virgin territory in preparation for his exile.

One of the other bloggers concluded from last week's sermon that Weinland is now prohibiting perfumes at all Sabbath services, and that soap may be next. One statement could be interpreted to mean that they won't be wearing clothes at all. My interpretation of Weinland's statement last week was that it was to let people from out of town know that some in Cincinnati are sensitive to perfume odors. I imagine that Weinland's followers will bathe and use soap, that is those who haven't given all their money to Weinland to support his false prophecies.

Does Ronald Weinland Speak German?

False Prophet Ronald Weinland was in Belgium for yesterday's sermon. The entire sermon including the prayers was available on the COG-PKG website for download and playback by timezones in the Western Hemisphere. He announced 4 baptisms in the UK and 4 in Belgium. He also announced the ordination of Benjamin Ikwueme from Nigeria. Perhaps the False Prophet has heard of the 419 multi-millionaires in Nigeria willing to share their wealth with those who will help them move it out of the country.

The sermon was generally more of his blather, but he did have an interesting tidbit.

He finally let it leak, although still obliquely, that he has legal problems. In quoting an email he characterized a prospective sheep escaping his grasp with a mention that the government is going after Weinland. If releasing the story about the IRS CID investigation gave only this one person a toehold to scramble out of the pit that is Weinlandism, then my efforts were worthwhile.

Weinland was a bit nervous when he admitted that the government is going after him, and he did not characterize it in any detail beyond that. He immediately segued into a discussion of how he and Laura had planned to go to Switzerland but now might go to Germany, followed up with an explanation as to how that's possible even though Germany will be the beast. Perhaps he thinks that Germany won't extradite him for tax evasion.

I'll take this as a sign that the False Prophet is not drinking his own Flavor Aid, just handing it out. According to Rev. 11:5 "If anyone tries to harm them, fire comes from their mouths and devours their enemies. This is how anyone who wants to harm them must die." After December 14 when he again becomes Spokesman of the Two End Time Witnesses, he should be able to stay in the US and breathe fire on any IRS agent that comes his way.

Weinland's son Jeremy got married in May and moved to Germany. Jeremy, I recommend you buy a nice couch because you and your bride could be sleeping on it in a few months from now so that the Two Witnesses can have the regular bed. I say a few months, because I think that it will take the IRS CID that long to investigate. Ron and Laura will probably be able to return to the US without fear of arrest after their post-feast vacation.

Press play below to listen to Weinland admit his legal problems and discuss his exit strategy.

Weinland's Spiritual Battle with the IRS

Back on the 5th of July, Weinland made some cryptic statements in his sermon. Later developments give us a perspective on their meaning. Press the play button to listen to these statements, the transcript that follows has time points for the MP3 file of the sermon downloaded from COG-PKG website.


1:12:44: My wife and I have been going through some anguish this week, that one day we’ll be able to share. That is one of the greatest trials we have had yet. Truly. But I can’t go through them. And things that just rip you up inside sometimes and tear you apart, that matches what happened when we left Worldwide and that was the worst.

1:14:07: So. Just to make a long story short. We could use your prayers. (laughs nervously) Because there are some spiritual battles going on out there, a warfare -- so stirred up right now, that it is truly astounding. We’ve talked about what an amazing thing -- right after the sermon that was given last Sabbath and about that being and about his days that are numbered. [speaking of Satan] Boy, when he lashes out, he lashes out. But, there’s spiritual wars that go on and effects us in different ways, and it draws us closer to God. Because God is the one that delivers us. Powerfully, powerfully so.

When bad things that Weinland predicted don't happen, it's spiritual. And when bad things that Weinland didn't predict do happen, that's spiritual too. He still hasn't told his followers about his IRS woes.

The IRS CID began issuing the summonses for records of the False Prophet's financial transactions the week after this sermon was given. I would infer from Ronnie's statements that he became aware of the criminal investigation during the week before the sermon.

I imagine that the IRS special agent investigating Weinland has been called many uncomplimentary things by the targets of her investigations. But I'll bet that this is the first time that she's been alluded to as an Instrument of Satan waging a spiritual war. On December 14 when the Insane Liar regains his Revelation 11:5 witness power, his likely first exercise of that power will be to call for the death of this Instrument of Satan.

When the Special Agent began her career in CID she probably had no idea that she'd be investigating a Prophet of the God of Abraham and also a biblical character -- specifically the Spokesman no less of the Two End-Time Witnesses of Revelation Chapter 11. The investigation may as well be terminated right now, because God is going to deliver the False Witness from the devilish clutches of the IRS. Powerfully, powerfully so.

The BBC on Weinland

The BBC in an article about the end of the world which also acknowledges the minor False Prophet:

And there are still plenty willing to name a date.

Preacher Ronald Weinland's book 2008 - God's Final Witness, predicts that the US will be destroyed within two years.

Sadly anybody wanting to find out more by e-mail receives an automated response. One can only assume he is too busy preparing for the end that is nigh.

Read the entire BBC article here.

The BBC should have done more research. In order to get Weinland to answer your email, you must first give him 10% of your income. And the end that is nigh for which he is preparing is either that of his second timeline or that of his freedom due to the IRS criminal investigation.

Ronnie, if you want the Sixth Thunder to come true, you're going to need to actually respond when news organizations knock on your door rather than just have an auto responder demand tithes.

Weinland v. the IRS: Who Won?

NOTE: For those looking for a summary of the last sermon, I'll refer you to a new anti-ILFPRW blogger, who has managed to to describe in humorous terms a mostly boring sermon. Thanks to Jack for a good laugh.

In the settlement of Weinland v. USA (described in my previous post), it appears that the False Prophet's lawyer made the best deal under the circumstances. Since the wife of Ron and the Church of Ron are basically Ron, then they should be subject to the investigation. Or so I'll assume until it's proven that there is an independent board of directors for the COG-PKG that Weinland can't either fire outright or disfellowship first and then fire.

As far as spending the thousands of dollars it must have cost to litigate this, did the Insane Liar get his money's worth? Perhaps he did or thinks he did, if you listen to interviews and sermons he gave last year.

Press the play button and follow along in the transcripts. The tone of Weinland's voice adds impact to the message.


The Unadmitted False Prophet's interview with Daniel Ott on the Edge on Dec 15, 2007:

Ott: Who do you think is going to be the next president?

Weinland: I really don't know. And what I've mentioned on other interviews and so forth is that, what I have been saying right now is that we may --- if we have the ability to elect someone, they will never take office. This country will be gone by that time.

Ott: Really?

Weinland: By January of 2009 we will be down the tubes. [Also the IRS.]

In Weinland's sermon of Nov 3, 2007 "What Has Changed, Part 2", exhorting his followers to contribute, and contribute heavily:
The more we can do as a group, those of us who are running down together, those of use who are part of the 144,000. If we have the means and the ability … Don't do it right now either. Someone asked me this last week here, "If I withdraw a certain amount right now, I'm going to be penalized, by taxes and so forth." [changes tone] But see, when January or February [of 2008] come around, you're not going to be penalized. (snorts) The following year [2009] you don't have to worry about it too much, do you?

And in Weinland's sermon of Dec. 29, 2007 "Stay the Course, Part 1" he makes another statement along the same line:
But we pay our taxes. We're to be truthful about those things. We're to be honest about the things we do as a whole in society. [Changes tone] You know, there are some things I guess we're going into next year here that are going to change a little bit in some of those areas…. I'll get into that later on.

In last week's sermon, he stated that he thinks it's still possible that there won't be a president inaugurated in January. If he's drinking his own flavor aid, then he thinks he's won the legal battle since according to his prophecies the IRS will be down the tubes before the deadline to file his income tax return next April 15. And if he's just handing out the flavor aid to his followers, he'll be long gone by then.

Maybe the IRS wouldn't have been so quick to give up on the search of this year's financial transactions if they'd heard those statements. But perhaps they'll find something in prior year's financial transactions that would give them probable cause to get records of this year's transactions and if so the quoted statements could only help.

Unfortunately many of his followers have believed the Weinland's tax advice. Their Great Tribulation will start next year if they've sent the money to Ron that they should have been setting aside for paying their taxes.

Who won? This is just the first skirmish in what promises to be a long battle, so we won't know for awhile. Whomever wins, his followers lose.

Settlement in Weinland v. USA

Ronald Weinland and the IRS have reached a settlement in his civil case against them. The IRS has agreed to withdraw the summonses it issued and reissue them withdrawing the demand for records of transactions in 2008. While Weinland's motion was being litigated, the original summonses were put on hold.

The reissued summonses will apply to tax years 2004 through 2007. They will also apply to records of transactions by Laura Weinland or by the "Church of God". Because of notice requirements the examinations of financial transactions will not occur any sooner than late this month.

So while there's a settlement in Weinland's civil case against the IRS, the criminal investigation of Weinland by the IRS CID continues, and the scope of the investigation appears to include the wife of Ron and the Church of Ron although they are not named as the subject of the investigation.

I have more to say about this development in a later post.

Still Having a Picnic

Back on April 7, Ronald Weinland was interviewed about his yet-to-be-false-prophecies by Mike McConnell on Cincinnati's 700 WLW radio station. Click on the play button to hear part of the interchange and read the transcript that follows.


McConnell: ...if it doesn't pan out, will you continue to do shows like this?
Weinland: If it doesn't pan out, the only thing I would do is...if I responded to anything at all was to explain to people that I was a false prophet. That's the only answer, that I'm no longer a minister.
McConnell: So if by Labor Day we're still having a picnic?
Weinland: Then I'm through.
McConnell: Then you would find a different line of work?
Weinland: Absolutely.

Then after his prophecies obviously crashed and burned, Weinland stated this in his sermon of June 28:
"February 2nd wasn't the sealing of the 144,000.
April 17th wasn't the beginning of a job for two witnesses.
And on and on it goes."

Note to Anti-anti-CoG-blog Bob. If you like this and want to quote it on your blog, then great. Just give this post a link if you do.

For those of you who spell "labor" with a "u", today (September 1) is Labor Day in the US. And we're still having picnics, except of course for those on the Gulf Coast who've evacuated because of Hurricane Gustav. If Weinland mentions it at all, it will be to claim it as one of his thunders -- and the more the devastation the better.

By Weinland's own admission his prophecies have failed, yet he has not admitted that he's a false prophet. He hasn't chosen a new line of work -- if he did go to work at McDonald's that would be honest respectable work. Instead, he's still preaching and prophesying (not honest respectable work), with a trip scheduled next weekend to the UK and the following weekend to Belgium.

And on and on it goes.